As I was procrastinating this week, I came across another blog that made me think “wow, this is me.” My friends and I are in the thick of grad school right now, and the draining hoops we are jumping through makes our brains play some not-so-funny tricks on us. All that to say this: even though it is hard, and there are many tears, it does not mean we are not aware of the idea that other people did not get in or that we are not grateful for the huge opportunity. It merely means that we are allowed to feel all of the emotions and should not be guilted into thinking what we are feeling is wrong because we made it. I seriously debated whether or not I would write yet another sap story about grad school, and especially drawing inspiration from this specific quote. But, after reading the other blog, at the bottom of her page (linked here) was this quote by Mr. Rogers, and I knew then, the need to get this off my chest was validated. Growing up, I never cried. It was not because I was told not to cry; I just did not. Through my years of schooling, that is when my happiness, sadness, and sometimes anger morphed into an expression of tears. I have no clue why that has become my outlet, but it sure makes me feel better after getting it all out there. Grad school emotions run high, and the intenseness of everything around me often made my little outbursts worse. Looking back at times I cried in undergrad and before seem insignificant now. And hopefully, down the road, I will look back at this time and wonder why and how I cried this much. I knew this chapter in my life would be hard, and I thought the challenge would be good for me. Parts of it made me stronger, while others felt like they were breaking me. No matter the life lessons that have come and will come from this grad school experience, nothing could have prepared me for the whirlwind emotions from one extreme to the next. No one quite gets the struggle until you are in neck deep together. Lucky for us, my track in the program is a pretty tight group of people. We have our friend groups, and we certainly understand the stresses, fears, and celebrate the successes even harder. When you are comfortable enough to cry in front of people who were once strangers not even a year ago, you know you have reached a strong level of friendship and formed a bond that could have held the Titanic together. We are in this together until the end, and probably beyond into our careers. No one said it would be easy. And to think tears are a sign of weakness, I have to disagree. There is only so much I can bottle up and pretend like nothing is bothering me until I have to get it all out. I will say, the last two months have been tear-free, but exams are not quite over yet, so I reserve the right to revoke that statement. Regardless of the chapter we find ourselves in, unless someone has walked the same miles in our shoes, no one can invalidate the thoughts and feelings. I realize most of them were irrational now, but that was the exhaustion talking and the mountain of work waiting to be completed was pulling me down in a rabbit hole of doubt. So, go ahead. Cry it out. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019
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I have a hard time accepting the traditional definition of success that the world abides by. There is so much more that goes into being successful than having a high-ranking position in society. For me, success has everything to do with happiness. Our success cannot be determined by a numerical value, even though that is a common idea when figuring if we are successful or not. Our school system has made us believe that high scores matter more than doing our best. Our universities engrain in us that the higher up we go with getting degrees, the better off we are if we think we want to get ahead in life. Our workforce places a demand that the more time spent at the office, the better off we will be in the long run. Success, to me, means contributing to the world, making a lasting impact, and being happy while doing the things are able to do for and with others, no matter the size. While getting good grades, collecting degrees, and having a few late nights at the office are not bad things, there comes a point where those things need to be removed from the equation and a personal reflection is all that should be factored into success. Because for a person who does have any combination of those things, it does not mean they are any less successful in their own right as the next. We are unique individuals, and so are our successes. So many times, I have wondered what success will look like for me. As I am nearing the threshold of adulthood and the working world, I am realizing that success has already found me because I am happy. If I did not find myself happy at this stage of life quite yet, I still would not consider it a loss. Success peaks at different times, and it takes on different faces. Success is not as rigid as I think we are made to believe it is. So, no matter where you find yourself in this life, look for happiness, and success will be sure to follow. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 Listening is one of the most important skills we can acquire. There are so many times we may hear the words coming out of someone’s mouth, but do we really listen to what the words they are saying mean? It is interesting that we learn how to talk, but some never learn how to listen. Stress can bring out the worst in us, or me at least. I can shut out the world, hunker down into the zone, and not return to civilization until assignments get done. While these are not my best ways of dealing with stress, I realize that we all deal with stress differently, but even so, we still must be present for those who need us most regardless of what kind of crazy is happening in our own life. I like to be the person other people feel comfortable coming to when they need someone to listen to. Everyone in this world needs and deserves to have that person. As I have said before and will forever stand by, everyone has a story that is worth listening to, and each time I hear a new piece of someone’s story, I feel like I get to know them that much more. When people feel comfortable telling their story to you, it may not necessarily be for advice or to get input on a matter. I know how good it feels just to dump out every emotion and the thoughts that are spinning in my head, and to have that release is cathartic in so many ways. It makes a difference having a person who is a deep, genuine listener. We may think we are great listeners, and that may be so, but there will always come opportunities in life to learn how to be a better listener. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 It may be the profession that I am going into that makes me hyperaware to recognize the unsung heroes in the world. There are so many people in this world who go unnoticed because they are reacting and responding to a need not because they want the recognition, but because it is in their innermost being to do something for the sake of humanity without publicity. Not every hero wears a uniform or cape. We may not always love the current societal or political climate, but at the end of the day, this is our world and our home. There have been many times that our downfall has stemmed from the bystander effect. How many times have we been somewhere, seen something that we could have helped with, but then thought that someone else saw it too and will help? We have all been there. Thoughts run through our heads that we should not get involved or it is not our place or that someone else will do it better than we could. Every day there is a chance to be a hero. Some have jobs that put them in situations that make it easier to contribute some help and happiness to people, while others have to put a little more effort into it, but no matter the circumstance, be a helper. Helpers are the people who take extra care when working with a child who may rely on compassionate attention at school. Helpers are the people who see their community as a place to welcome those who need a safe place to call home. Helpers are people who look beyond the flaws of the world and try to make it a better place for us all to live. Helpers are people who are problem solvers and can bring valuable resources to build solutions. Helpers are heroes. Stay curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 We begin learning the minute we enter this world. Learning looks different each day, but regardless of how it happens, it is the most valuable thing humans can do. That exploration of our world through the discovery of new things and figuring out how something works are foundational skills that will carry us through our entire lives. I guess I never appreciated how important of a role playing has for children of all ages. That is their first exposure to problem-solving skills and growing their imagination. Without play, later developmental milestones can be negatively impacted. Incorporating play can enhance learning for children. In my speech therapy sessions this semester, I have done more play-based learning than I have in the past. The benefits of play implementation are evident in the growth and understanding of the target concepts. When you really stop and think about it, it makes sense. Children learn to play from the time they are able to engage in play settings. Once they learn to play, they can play to learn. This mirrors the shift later on in development when children learn to read, and it morphs into reading to learn. Playing is an essential component of a child’s life, and it gives them the first taste of curiosity. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 It has been a couple of great weeks. Between the time change and it trying to feel like spring, I have seen a difference in myself and felt better too. There has even been some extra time for self-care, and I took full advantage of that. I cannot believe this semester is almost over. For some time before Spring Break, it felt like it was dragging on, and the end would never come. Now, we are in the final countdown, and things are going along pretty smooth. I think it is safe to say that all of my friends and I are looking forward to finishing this semester and trying to crank things out to make the end seem a little closer. So far, that philosophy seems to be working. Sometimes, I feel guilty taking that extra time for myself or being away from the books for an extended time, but if it comes down to sanity or getting a few extra glances at information, chances are I am going to do something to keep myself in the right headspace. Doing all the work without having some fun makes for a long semester. Even if it is taking the extra time to make something really good for dinner and watching a favorite show, I count that time as a win and thoroughly enjoy it. It makes the snap of reality sting less, and honestly, it is the small things in life that sometimes makes everything better. I realize this chapter of life will be my one and only like it. I have one chance to make the best of it, and I had to break my own habit of putting all the work before any ounce of fun. I have since made an effort to let myself do more fun things after class or on the weekends. I was beginning to feel like a hermit who only left the house for class and grocery shopping. While I am still queen of the homebodies, I can still have a good time. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 This semester a group of us has been getting together midweek for a Bible study. As long and as hard as the weeks sometimes feels, being together and spending time in the Word makes everything feel okay. Time has been the enemy this year, and it always feels like there is hardly time to breathe, let alone do anything else unrelated to school. While we are sitting in a coffee shop or at my apartment, it feels like time stands still and nothing else matters. I always feel so refreshed on Wednesdays to finish out the week strong, and it gives me something to look forward to when the Mondays hit hard. I am thankful that our Bible study started because I know this semester would have been even harder without having strong supports at school. It can sometimes feel lonely when it seems like no one else is struggling the same way you are. But, with forming a new bond with friends who are so much alike and have the same faith as me has proven to make a huge difference in how I approach the week. It is in the small places that we know God will find us and never leave us. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 Friday was International Women’s Day. I am sure we all had different ways of celebrating the day. I spent most of it being miserably sick on the couch, but while I laid there, I scrolled through social media and read what the day meant to my friends and other people I follow. I loved reading stories of empowerment and encouragement. The best thing we can do for others is supporting them in whatever they are passionate about. We may not understand or see the bigger picture, but they do. We have something unique to offer to the world, and we should be proud of that. Pioneers and trailblazers made it possible for women to have a role in history. Our stories continue, and there will always be a place for us as long as we make a way. We must always hold onto our place in this world. Too many women long before us made huge sacrifices to ensure future generations could achieve what they could not. Times may change, but our strength will only get stronger. Trends will come and go, but knowing your worth never goes out of style. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 Chasing after dreams and trying your best to achieve them is not for the faint of heart. We always hear success stories, but often, details of obstacles and facing struggles are excluded for fear of invalidating the final result. Those obstacles make our stories instead of breaking them. They are the unsung heroes responsible for shaping us into the people we grow into being. I hit a point that no one could have ever prepared me for, and it felt like I was drowning. It is scary to look at your life and see it pass by but not feel like you are living it anymore. When I say it felt like everything exploded into a million little pieces, it may come across as an exaggeration, but at that moment (or weeks), this was my reality. I got bogged down by the whole picture again and lost sight of taking it one piece at a time. Staying consumed by deadlines and putting my best foot forward in everything became my worst enemy. Something I used to thrive on proved to backfire into burnout. Let me be super real here. Talking about the vulnerable moments of life are sometimes taken as weakness, but I think it is important to know it happens to others, so someone else knows they are not alone. When I started going to school when I was little, I had bouts of anxiety. Through the years, I was able to hold it at bay and it never really bothered me again until recently. This year threw a lot of changes my way so that paired with the high expectations I have for myself, my ability to sort my brain out and process things flew out the window, and my anxiety was brewing. I tried to ignore it for a long time, and that just made it worse. I have since taken a healthier approach to deal with the stress and the pressure. But, it is essential to recognize those emotions and not let them consume you as I did. I did not like the feeling of waking up in a panic or doing the things I love in autopilot mode just to consider it complete. I went through the motions to survive, but now I am feeling back to myself and dusting off my passion again for the reason I put myself in this stress-wad two years to reach the goals I have been working on for so long. No matter what is going on in life, there are going to be these rough patches and storms. It took hitting bottom for me to realize that life curveballs are not there to necessarily break you, but to make you stronger. Life has a funny way of teaching you lessons. While I surely did not enjoy this one, I appreciate having been there and figuring out how to paddle in the storm. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 Part of self-care is thinking positively. Most of the time, I do this for myself and others, but there comes times when I struggle to not be so hard on myself. With as many good things going on right now in my life, you would think it would easy to shut out the negative thoughts and be able to balance my mind’s attention. I get stuck and dwell on the one thing that is bothering until I can hardly stand it anymore, despite every other positive thing around me. I know this is one of my downfalls, and I am working on making it better and have a healthier coping mechanism; I just have not gotten there yet. Saying kind and encouraging things to your friends and the people around you comes so naturally to most of us, but when it comes times to be that voice of reason for yourself, something gets completely lost in translation. Not all self-care is doing one thing for yourself and calling it good. Self-care is a constant practice that involves clearing headspace. It is time I start listening to the advice and support I hand out to others and be able to see past the one thing that continues to drain me. Out with the negative and in with the positive. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2019 |
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