Recently, I have been playing Ben Platt’s album nonstop. Especially the song, "Older," it has been my summer anthem and soundtrack to life. I have been more reflective than I ever have been for two reasons: with the quarantine, there has not been much else to do and it is surreal that this time last year I was dreaming about where I would be this year. Growing up and getting older are not synonymous, yet I think sometimes we make them fit the same mold. Getting old just happens and is an expected life cycle progression. Growing up involves taking an active role in becoming, developing, and wondering. Innately, I am a goal setter and a dream chaser. My entire journey to this very moment in my life has been geared with the mindset to always be working towards my goals until they are achieved. Now, I am finding myself reaching the greatest milestone I set for myself. People always talk about graduating, getting a job, and then landing their dream job years down the road. There have been so many nights over the last decade when I would lay in bed imagining what my dream job would look like. I could never quite picture it because up until recently, I did not know what it had the potential of looking like. Now, it is crystal clear what my dream job can look like because I have found it; rather, it found me. July of last year feels like a lifetime ago. I had just been assigned my first internship placement. I was a bucket of fears, anxiety, and self-doubt knowing I was expected to walk into a medical-heavy placement. All I knew is that I wanted to like it so much that I was willing to step out of all my comfort zones and take it in stride, and I am so glad I did not let my fears hold me back. I can guarantee my present self would be in a different place had I missed this opportunity. Fast forward to this July, I have been working for a month and learning and growing every day. Each day brings new challenges and opportunities to make a difference in someone’s life. If I am still somehow dreaming about this, please do not pinch me. I used to fight my alarms, yes, you read that right, alarms. Every day, I have woken up before my one and only alarm, bounced into action for my morning routine, and have knocked down a fair share of audio books on my commute to work. There is such an excitement I have about living the dream I dreamed about for so long, as cliched as that statement is, it is true. For the first time ever that I can remember, I do not have a next step in place or a new goal to chase. Sure, I have some little goals related to my professional life, but nothing life changing. The “type three” in me feels like I should set an overarching new goal of some sort, but the hint of being a “type four” is allowing me to be reflective and grow into the person I am becoming in this chapter. Transitioning from a student to a professional has been easier than I thought it would be, honestly. I thought I would miss the grind and the satisfaction of working hard and getting the desired grade as a reward. I am finding I do not miss that grind and often catch myself questioning how and why I pushed myself almost to a breaking point. Was it always worth it? In the grand scheme of things, sure it was because I am in a place in life that I worked hard to achieve, but I am positive I spent way too much time replaying scenarios that either never happened or were not as severe as I made myself think they were. My new grind is more thrilling in a much less intrusive way to my overall wellbeing and happiness. I am so content with the present moment in life. Each day has enough variety to keep me on my toes, yet there is a familiar routine that makes it feel so right and comfortable. I am finding in myself that I do not need something else to chase after and this feeling of contentedness is a welcomed new reality. Not to be mistaken for complacency, I will never take for granted the opportunities that have come my way and the people who saw my potential. I will continue to grow, learn, and strive to be my best. The only difference is the level of stress at which I am living with is significantly less, I am so much happier not being a student anymore (those are words I thought I would never say), and I am more in tune with an even keel approach to life. So many things have happened in just a year. Self-growth and discovery can sometimes offer the best insight. When I was younger and dreaming about what the future held, I never did it justice. Time goes so fast, but I have no regrets. Looking back, there were times I could have done things differently or taken a path opposite of what I did, but then again, I would not be the person I am or at this place in my journey without all those little moments along the way. Each day greets me with a new excitement to live out my dream and continue on the journey I always hoped to find. The moments do not have to be big, but they do have to be meaningful. Getting older has taught me the moments can pass by without a second chance. Growing up has taught me to accept challenges and savor the lessons that transpire. It means more to wonder than to settle. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2020
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