It is hard for me to wrap my head around the ability to search and put into words the answer to this life question. Who was I before I was told who to be? Have I always been me? Will I always be me? Why did I have to be told who to be by the world? I know you should never answer a question with another question, or four in my case, but this is such a multi-layered question. As I hit another milestone in life and look down the road to some big things, I feel nostalgic for a simpler time of life. The last couple of months have been stressful with school and making big decisions about the next steps I want to take in my education. I should be happy, and trust me, I am, but I cannot help but think of my journey so far. I get asked often enough why I chose the career field I did. I never have a spectacular answer that is clear cut. Sometimes, I go into great detail, but more times than not, I do not have a crutch of a reply to fall back on when asked. Does it matter the exact reasoning behind my decisions? I am invested in my choices and have pursued them successfully thus far, so there is not room for someone to talk me out of it. Not that anyone ever has, but I have tended to walk away from those conversations wondering the purpose of bombarding me with questions of that nature. Playing on defense just to prove my decisions (that are not unheard of) is not where I want to stand for the rest of my life. Justifications are not warranted on every occasion, but it frustrates me when someone cannot continue a conversation without a rapid fire of questions. That aside of a story may not seem relevant in this context but bear with me. The motives behind the third degree of questioning bring everything into perspective. Subliminal messages of conversational undertones convey meanings that impact how we live our lives. These messages may not come to fruition right away, but the echoing words of a conversation can come back to haunt a person. This influence of words from a worldly aspect plays a role in our ability to think and speak for ourselves. The reactions we receive, determine our next move in the game of life. And maybe some of the questions we receive are meant with the best of intentions, but the false audience we create for ourselves and look to for approval use this opportunity to chip away at the confidence and self-esteem we have. I have not remained constant in my naïve thinking I once fell as a prisoner. Growing into a mature and contributing member of society is what we all should strive for, but the methods to which we reach that status is not as simple. We must be an individual in thinking and steadfast in judgment. The world is not our ruler. It is not enough to say we made the right decision; we should know we made the decision for ourselves, and that the decision was not made for us. Much of my reflections over life have only been in the last couple of years. This reflection took a deeper cut. I may not remember the exact time and place I made a decision about my passion and future career, but I can say this: I made it. No one told me I had to be one thing over another. I had the freedom to decide, and that is the best gift of empowerment a person could have. Following a phantom dream serves no purpose, and for someone to push that on another person has to be one of the cruelest acts. Sure, life could have been much simpler had I let someone make all of my decisions for me, but I would not be the independent person I am now. I think I can answer my questions now. The only time I was ever told who to be was the day I was given my name. From that day, I was destined to be me and nothing less. I have always been me. You either love me or hate me. I tell it as it is, and if my honesty cannot be appreciated, I am not the person who has the problem. I will always be me; growth changes a person, but at my core, I will remain. The world may have attempted to tell me who to be and what to be, but I am standing up to that and proving to the doubters I am not backing down from my aspirations to be demoted to a comfort zone. My life’s playbook has no room for mediocrity, so as for me and my story, I am not accepting anything less than what I set out to achieve. The world may try to mark me, but I am going to leave a mark on the world. Stay Curious, Kayla ©Inquisitive Perspectives 2017
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